Logan

Our Lil' Man is in need of prayer!

Logan had an appointment with a neurologist at Rady's Childrens Hospital this morning... and what I had hoped would be a an appointment to "calm" Mommy's heart and be given a "thumb's up" diagnosis... turned into something I wasn't quite prepared for.

When Logan was an infant, I noticed on a few different occasions a bit of "shaking" or "trembling" as I held him in my arms. In fact one time, I jumped for the telephone to call 911, but then it stopped as quickly as it began... and he appeared absolutely fine. I spoke to his pediatrician at the time, and she felt it was "normal" behavior for an infant... possibly he was startled... had a chill... or falling asleep. I desperately wanted to "believe" her... but, the "heaviness" of something not quite right never left my heart.

Each night before bed... Lorielle and Logan hop on the sofa in the loft and we "snuggle" (as Logan calls it)... talk, read, maybe watch television and then off to bed they go. During this time, I have noticed that Logan tends to have jerking movements in his limbs. A few times his little hand "tremors"... and he tends to use his other hand to keep his left hand still. We have also noticed a few other "odd" behaviors that didn't sit quite right with us. My parents happened to notice them as well when he stayed with them. I spoke to his doctor at his 2 year visit and she thought it was his way of settling down, but she referred me to a "Movement Specialist". This neurologist reviewed his records and the information I provided and didn't feel it was within her area of expertise (some sort of tic or Tourette's Syndrome) and referred Logan to a different type of neurologist.

On Sunday night while having dinner out with my parents, Logan was sleeping in his stroller. He awoke in a "daze"... and his little hand and arm were tremoring so much so that he held onto the stroller seat. He seemed "out of it" and confused. I kept my eye on him the rest of the evening and he was just not himself. At bedtime, he became very insecure and I ended up holding him most of the night.

After two months of waiting... sleepless nights... and trying to convince myself that it was my wild imagination of Mommy worries on the loose... we met with the neurologist today. He suspects that Logan may be having seizures and has ordered a series of tests. "Uhm... No... excuse me... I didn't just hear you say that" ... I screamed in my head as he explained what he thought. "Not my little boy... no!" Never in my heart, did I want to believe that this appointment was headed in that direction. I just couldn't. And when I stop for a moment to think of it now... I cry... I hurt... I don't want to believe that this could be a possibility!

And so the testing has begun... We took him for his blood work on the way home. A helpless little "whimper" and a quiet call to me... "Mama!" is all that my baby could say as he was being poked with a needle. Four vials of blood as I held my little boy's head close to my heart. He was soaked with sweat... and as white as one of Daddy's new socks... and all I could say is "I am so sorry Buddy... I love you!" as I sobbed on the inside overcome with fear.

A 24 hour urine collection to determine whether he has a specific kind of brain tumor (God, please NO!) ... A physical with his pediatrician to be given the okay for an MRI with contrast of his brain under general anesthesia... and a 48 hour inpatient Video EEG... ... ... No, this really can't be happening! But... it is.

Please pray for our lil' boy... I don't want to let him out of my sight! God has a purpose for his little life... and we trust completely in Him... but boy, this sure is difficult.