Life. Gone.

Life... this very second... for we are promised nothing more! We are not promised this afternoon... nor tomorrow... not next week... next month... not next year! Life... it is this very second... this very breath that you are breathing... for we may have nothing more. Life... it is right now!

My heart is weeping... filled with disbelief... and overflowing with grief. A mother, a wife, our neighbor... has life no more. I am devastated for the life that could have been hers... and the "life" that she leaves behind... a husband... twin daughters... a son... family... friends. Life. Gone. Just like that...

I don't know all of the details... and I am not sure that I want to. Certainly a family in crisis... that much we knew. A wife... a mother... deeply troubled... struggling with "life" as addiction consumed her every being. A woman in desperate need of help. A husband... a father... coated in denial... hoping I am sure, that if he lovingly protected the woman he once knew that most certainly she would wake completely recovered with the newness of the morning. Three children that quickly became lost in the "cycle"... as the "reality" of their new world overshadowed their once smiling faces. And now... a family shattered into a million pieces. Unable to ever glue all of the pieces back together. Life. Gone. Just like that.

I woke to barking... over and over... as if he was pleading with his owner to please come to the door; just as she used to before this all began. I opened my eyes to see the reflection of red and yellow lights flashing about my room. I sat straight up as I heard the "pshhh" of the air brakes stop the trucks that were lining our street. I jumped out of bed to see 3 firetrucks, an ambulance, and 4 Sheriff units in front of our house. Unfortunately, the Sheriff's Department has become an almost "permanent resident" on our street as of late.. but, I sensed this time was different. I instantly called my husband as I knew he would be home at any moment and I thought for sure he would panic as he drove onto our street. The long night quickly became a blur... as I sat hoping and praying all would be okay. I clearly remember at some point a fireman making his way to the curb to sit down... and then he bent over and placed his head in his hands. I knew. Life. Gone. Just like that.

A warm bath... but, no doubt... mixed with alcohol and prescription medication. Life. Gone just like that.

As a mother, I can't ever fathom the thought of losing a child... yet, almost as equally heart stopping is to imagine my children losing me. Yet, in the very house next to mine sit three children that have lost their mother. As they put their heads on their pillows last night to go to sleep their mother was there... and then in the next second... Life. Gone. Just like that. My head and heart spin with so many questions... Why? How? What could ever allow a mother to become so out of control? Did she tell her children that she loved them yesterday as they went off to school? As they went to sleep last night? Did she kiss them and hug them before her day "tornado-ed" into a tail spin? I know that she loved them. I heard their sobbing hearts in the dark night... and I know they loved her. Life. Gone. Just like that.

With Bob's history with Tracy, we recognized the symptoms of addiction months ago... We attempted to reach out in ways that we knew how... but, was it enough? Could we have done more? We will never know because now... Life. Gone. Just like that.

This morning I am exhausted from lack of sleep and a bewildered heart. My husband is headed to work earlier than normal today... and I want to call him to come home. My daughter is at school and I want to pick her up this very minute. I want the four of us to be at home together - safe and sheltered from the troubles of this world. I want to kiss and hug my children and tell them how much I love them. I want my husband to know that it really doesn't matter that he likes his pot roast without tomatoes and I like them with! I want them to know that no matter what we face in this life on earth... we can do it together... with God... and all will be okay! I don't want anyone to ever doubt how much I love them... or how much they mean to me. I don't want to ever look back again and wonder if I could have done more... said more... because life can be gone. Just like that.

Live this very second... every second that you are given as if it is your last. For life can be gone - just like that.

Please pray for this family - for these precious children... absolutely lost and empty without their mother... for a husband and father that is consumed with grief... and I am sure guilt... feeling loss like never before. Please also pray that their hearts will be open to a healing that only God can provide and that Bob and I can be there for them in every way that God calls us to be. I just can't imagine.